I love to share my joy and my life's little tid bits on my blog but I wasn't to sure if I wanted to share this kind of stuff. But the more I thought about it I realized that my blog is about ALL my life good and bad. Also knowing that those who follow me are friends and are always there for me to talk to.
Yesterday evening I found out that my father, who I have been estranged to for close to 20 years, passed away December 9 2009 of cancer. I only found out by chance and I have to say I have not handle it very well....not at all like I thought I would anyway. Without going into to many boring details and dragging his name through the mud...let's just say we were never a priority in his life! It's who he was. I never really thought that maybe one day he would come to some realization that his treatment of his family was unacceptable and who would maybe try to contact me to say......something?
Now I know it won't ever happen. What bothers me the most though is that even on his death bed I was never a thought or important enough thought to have sent word to me that he was ill or to say sorry for how things were and how they turned out. I think that is what is hurting me so much!!
I know I need to just remember that that was who he was and he was the same way till the day he died.
But for right now it's not helping my heart, I guess this is my way of grieving.
This feels like I am bringing everyone down but it's something I felt I needed to share maybe it will help me in my healing. Thank you for letting me vent and cry.
On a happier note.....I finshed my elephant today!
Hopefully by tomorrow I will have enough energy to take some pictures to show you. Right now I am exhausted and emotionally drained. Thank goodness for my bears and being able to put my heart and soul into it cause it sure helped me!!
Hug the Ones YOU Love!!!